I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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