Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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