remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize