I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
