she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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