Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
