i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
whose parrot is this?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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