so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
