he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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