Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So vagazzling was a success
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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