Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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