I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
