I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
