Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
sarcasm needs its own font
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
