How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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