Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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