I skipped work to stalk him.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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