He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
