I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
