The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
