dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
