yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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