I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize