he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
