dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
