She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
