all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
