You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
