after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
