New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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