Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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