Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
