her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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