butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
