new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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