Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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