i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
