it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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