The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
