does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
