you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
