Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
