hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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