is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
