Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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