wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dear god my vagina.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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