Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
