I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
