2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
