Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
