your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You made out with two different species that night
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize