Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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