So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
