I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
