Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
