the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
