i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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