Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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