i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
