He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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