I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
