ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
