at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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