I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
