Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
