im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
