im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize